My daughter gets very nervous ahead of any exam - any suggestions how I can take the edge off it?

I suggest that in the run up to the exams you get your daughter to see it not as a make or break exam, but as a challenge that is well within her abilities and she will positively look forward to it. Another point worth mentioning, her fear will be a function of the implied pressure from a parent's expectations, so try not to discuss your exam aspirations in front of her.

I think one of the keys to reducing nerves it to increase confidence.

This can be helped by being patient and tolerant of low marks so doesn't put pressure on the child. Nerves are more often created by the parent's pressure.

I believe its best to tell your child that they can get whatever results they desire and that if they don't its just becuase they did not try hard enough.

That way they won't feel a failure when they get low marks.
It also helps not to give them test papers too early. Some parents give them too early to try and get much practice as possible but this can be counter productive if the starting marks are 40-50% . This can knock their confidence and lead to more nerves. Best to give shorter tests 20 minutes test covering the areas the child is ready for in the early stages and allow them to get reasonable marks and then build up to a full paper when they are ready. Hoe this Helps.

I have been recommended to use Dr. Bachs Rescue remedy. Can be purchased from Waitrose. It is either spray or droplet form I have the spray and use a couple of squirts on my daughters tongue when she is anxious or taking an exam.

Did Dr. Bach sit the 11+ exams?

A bit late now, but this is what I told my daughter on the morning of her exam, while giving her a hug.

She had done everything I asked of her in preparation, and deserved our pride. We were proud of her determination whatever the result. She should be proud of her determination too. I had demanded, and got levels of concentration out of her that she had never got close to before.

We had already told her that the rewards promised her for success were now hers whether she failed or passed, and she fully deserved them too.

If she failed she would still get into her next choice, and it was still capable of teaching her well.

This was the first time she was sitting an exam that mattered, but it would not be her last. Some she would pass, and some fail, but she had now learned how to do her best. That is what counted, and if she keeps her present attitude her future looks very good indeed.

She was nervous, and that was a good thing. Nerve will concentrate her mind. Clearer, and faster thinking. Fewer mistakes.

Right. She has put good work in, and now is the time to go for it. I know she has a good chance. Her results in practice were very good indeed. Go in there and forget everything but the questions in front of you. Nothing else matters until the exams are over. If another child kicks you, or bursts into tears ignore it. If your teacher tells you off, apologise and ignore it. If somebody steals rubbers or pencils, ignore it. Don't let ANYTHING disturb your concentration. Don't stop until the exam ends.

We have rehearsed the practice papers, but there may be surprises. The papers might even be completely different. Remember that the other children will be surprised too. If you find it more difficult than expected don't panic. Just go for it as best you can. We don't know what the pass mark will be, so however badly you think you are doing, go for it. It might still be enough.

When you come out we will go for a meal, and you can unwind. If you are stressed you can take time off sick from school. If you can't handle the last lesson after the exams, tell the teacher you are sick. I will collect you. Nothing will be too good for you.

****

My daughter came out of those exams with a smile on her face. She says that my pep talk helped. Even her dodo of a teacher didn't manage to destroy her state of mind by taking away the pencils and rubbers we had so carefully selected. We ate out and had double stewed eels and mash. She enjoyed it. A new experience.

I might add that the advice on this site is good. Make sure your child sleeps well before the exam. Avoid last minute revision. All the revision in the world won't help if they run out of energy before the exams are over. In the days leading up to the exam do everything to reduce stress. No shouting in front of them. Not to them, not to others. Not even on TV. Ban stimulants such as coffee, coca cola, and chocolate. No computer games. If it wakes them up, it's banned. Lots of cuddles, stories, cartoons, drawing and reading. They can help with the cooking if they enjoy it. Missing out on East Enders and computer games is tough, but most kids will swap for extra attention and praise.

What brilliant advice!!! Have printed it so I use to pass on to my children 0- hilds good for any knd of test or challenge - your daughter is very lucky to have a parent like you!!! Thanks

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Best Regards,
Thea

Hello Thea

I thought I too could offer you some advice. I too believe Confidence is the key to them having less nerves but also the child must know it is absolutely normal to have nerves before any sort of test, even with lots of confidence we all get nervous.

In the summer holidays I bought practise papers. I copied them along with the answer sheets and then I cut them into strips of about 8-10 questions. I used to let my son attempt a strip at a time. When he first started he would only get maybe 3 or 4 right but because there wasn't as many to start with he didnt feel as bad. I didnt time him neither. It also allowed us to go through each incorrect one properly and more thoroughly and I definitely kept his attention, he didnt get disheartened and lose interest. We would do a strip each night as it didn't take long and then as he got better he wanted to do another strip. When we completed a few I would then go back and give him the same ones but as a whole page to do and I would time him but wouldn't tell him. It was amazing just how much he improved and how quick he got. When I knew his times I would I would give him a goal that I knew he would reach and would ask him to see if he could do it and I would let him have his stop watch so that he timed himself. As he got much better I then made it a bit more like the real thing but he didnt mind as he enjoyed getting better.

6 weeks before the real thing I got him a tutor where he went once a week and he took tests there. I di this becasue so many others kids had been tutored for months and i guess i ddit wnat to risk not getting one.

We continued doing practise at home and moved on to the whole tests only a couple of weeks before the real thing in October, by which time he was scoring 80-82/85 and well within the time.
Of course they do get quicker when they recognise the questions so I also got lots of other test papers off this webb site(brilliant) and would give him those to do. I made it clear that I was giving him harder ones as time went on but I always also gave him a moderate ones too so that his confidence never dipped.

The tutor actually told me he didnt really need any help but he did enjoy going so it wasn t abad thing and it also took some pressure off me.

The week before the real thing I made him a certificate for his achievement in 11+ practise. We called it a 'Proud Parents' certificate and told him it was for all the hard work he had put in. We put it up on his wall and at at dinner that night my husband, little girl and I all toasted him.
We never said the 'Fail' word. We told him we knew he had already done everything he could do and whatever the outcome we would always be the proudest parents around.

The night before the test, sure he said he had butterflies. I sat on his bed and told him I did too and so would all the other chldren. I told him I would be thinking of him and just to keep that in mind.

We made the morning as normal as possible and wished him luck.

He did pass, bless him he is thrilled and so are we. We brought him a small gift which we said was for taking the test.

I wont pretend, it was the most anxious time I think I have ever had. I now would feel alot more confident about tutoring my daughter when it is her turn as I feel if the child is coperative and you do have the time you dont need additional help. Also this webb site is brilliant and you can get all the advice you need here. Infact I if I had more qualifications I would actually consider Tutoring as a career.

Good luck to your daughter

Mel

Mel thanks - got a little tear in my eye as I read your post, getting to the bit with the certficate etc - you definitley deserve a certficate in parenting! - its made me realise I should spend more time thinking about the children's emotional well-being, rather then being pre-occupied with all the day to day routine maintenance of them (food,clothes etc)! Puts into perspective the vital importance of looking at the child's specific individual needs and personality.

When you say you got him a tutor 6 weeks before - how did you go about it? presume they get rather busy at that time!

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Best Regards,
Thea

Some good points in Mel's post, especially breaking down the papers in to stripes. I like that idea. I will definitely keep this in mind when I come around tutoring my younger child in 3 years time!

SB